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Archive-name: bigfoot/part1
Posting-Frequency: every 7 days
Last-modified: 1996/1/17
Version: 1737.9

An html (Web) version is also available at http://www.io.com/~wilf/bigfoot/

In keeping with BIGFOOT policy #IP8675309, the newsgroup
ALT.BIGFOOT is required to post, at frequent intervals,
(currently, whenever we feel like it) a FAQ 
(Frequently Asked Questions).  The questions addressed
herein are listed at the top of the FAQ for easy reference.
Questions, comments, and suggested additions regarding this 
FAQ (as per standard BIGFOOT policy) will be cheerfully 
accepted by the ALT.BIGFOOT member, Wilf (aka Bulldog) and 
should be addressed to, "wilf@io.com".


                    Alt Dot Bigfoot FAQ
                    *******************

First things first:

The Alt Dot Bigfoot Flag
========================

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end

The Alt Dot Bigfoot National Anthem
===================================

(sung to the tune of the Canadian national anthem)

Alt-Dot-Bigfoot...
Our newsgroup strong and free...
We'll kick the ass...
Of everyone we see...

The other groups, are all just freaks...
Just take a look at ASH...
The losers who, post to that group...
Are nothing more than trash...

God keep our group...
Offensive as can be...
Alt-Dot-Bigfoot...
We stand on guard for thee...

ALT-DOT-BIGFOOT, WE STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE!!!!!

Frequently Asked Questions
==========================

        Q1. What is the history and purpose of alt.bigfoot? 
        Q2. Who are the members of alt.bigfoot? 
        Q3. The members sound fascinating! Can I know more? 
        Q4. Does alt.bigfoot have a charter? Can I see it? 
        Q5. How do I join ? 
        Q6. What exactly is a moose poem? 
        Q7. What is the defense policy of alt.bigfoot? 
        Q8. What is the position of alt.bigfoot towards MOOSE? 
        Q9. Does alt.bigfoot have an anthem? 
        Q10. What is the dominant philosophical position in a.b ? 
        Q11. How do others in the net feel about alt.bigfoot? 
        Q12. Are there any other songs about alt.bigfoot? 
        Q13. What is the official unit of exchange for alt.bigfoot? 
        Q14. What is the financial situation of alt.bigfoot? 
        Q15. What are the 10 commandments of alt.bigfoot? 
        Q16. Has anyone on this newsgroup ever seen Bigfoot? 
        Q17. Who is Bigfoot's mother? Does he have health insurance? 
        Q18. Does Bigfoot have a son? 
        Q19. What about those stupid Pizza Hut ads? 
        Q20. What trends should I expect in '94? 
        Q21. Are Mooses well versed in the arts? 
        Q22. What else should I know about Mooses? 
        Q23. What happened in the war with alt.flame ? 
        Q24. How do others feel about doing battle with alt.bigfoot. 
        Q25. What exactly do Bigfooter's drink? 
        Q26. Any previews of upcoming events available? 
        Q27. What about alt.bigfoot's fine moose poetry? 
        Q28. When exactly was alt.bigfoot created? 
        Q29. What's this we hear about the Kids in the Hall? 
        Q30. Where is the great Farleymeister? 
        Q31. What is the official alt.Bigfoot disclaimer? 
        Q32. Any other wise words wrt whiners ? 
        Q33. What about work ? 
        Q34. What is the Bigfoot Shuffle^(tm) ?? 
        Q35. What's the the deal with Norway^(tm) ?? 
        Q35. What's the the deal with rec.pets.cats ?? 
        Q35. Were Nostradamus and Bigfootdamus pals? 

Q1. What is the history and purpose of alt.bigfoot?

Bigfoot learned to disguise himself as a weiner-dog in the late 1970's,
and then as a wild chicken. Then bigfoot was run over and discovered the
road-kill disguise. And, using this disguise, he travelled undetected
throughout North America during the 1980's. Then he started to use the
weiner-dog and wild chicken disguises again because his previous disguise
was starting to smell bad - plus the road-kill disguise had a cable-tv
outlet and bigfoot was tired of trying to find a place to "plug-in". Then
bigfoot "undisguised" himself and went to California, and elsewhere. One
of bigfoot's forefathers - named Bigfootdamus - used to stare into a bowl
of Kokanee beer and see the future. He wrote the manuscripts of bigfoot,
prophesying the creation of the alt.bigfoot newsgroup and it's unltimate
catastrophic demise at the hands of alt.suicide. holiday. Bigfootdamus
predicted 13 signs that would lead to "the end" but provided magic
bigfoot power to help prevent this tragic armageddon, in which all the
evils of the newsgroups would flow into the souls of the alt.bigfoot
members. The signs were provided in written form to the Supreme Commander
in an attempt to allow him, and his followers, to form a compound in Waco
and break the chain of signs leading to "the end". But Waco was already
in use, and the only logical location to counter the ASH attack was from
the alt.bigfoot newsgroup itself. An entire camp of bigfoots awaited the
outcome of the initial chain of signs and provided dirty bigfoot
underwear to Luke. It was planned, by the bigfoots, to promote discontent
and a lack of unity in alt.bigfoot so that the various members would gain
strength. This strength would ultimately be used in the anti-ASH
campaign. The evil ones in ASH attempted to cut the ability of bigfooters
to communicate using "bad magic". With each new suicide, they too gain
strength. The 9th sign has now passed and, after the 11th sign, magic
will be introduced by the Supreme Commander and Merlin. Mr Alex is
currently hunting for giant-breasted zeppelins to assist the guerilla
attacks against all other newsgroups - he *may* be back. Besides,
nobody's going to starve when there's Roast Beef around, hey Wild Bill? 

UPDATE
   The evil surge of ASH was repelled by alt.bigfoot. The world was saved
   from certain doom and destruction. No applause, just throw money. 

Q2. Who are the members of alt.bigfoot

Honorable Members (with official titles)

      Supreme Commander
         Supreme Commander of all net-land 
      Mr. Bigfoot
         Bigfoot (CEO) 
      R.O.S.B.F (Roast Beef)
         Alt dot Bigfoot Virus manufacturing and deployment. 
      Luke
         Driving Teacher 
      Merlin
         Alt dot Bigfoot Wizard. 
      Wild Bill
         Crowd Control Officer 
      Antebi (CyberPorchMonkey)
         (Cyber) Porch Monkey 
      Dewme
         Moose Trivia Expert 
      Mr.Alex
         Used Giant Breasted Zeppelin Salesman. 
      Mr.Dave
         Alt dot bigfoot's Text Formatter 
      St. Bob
         Pontif of Alt dot Bigfoot 
      Farleymeister
         Perimeter control officer 
      Hooten III
         Chicken expert 
      Flat 4
         Frosh advisory committee 
      Paal D. Ekran (The Last Viking)
         For moose poemetry. Paal is skating on thin ice as a former
         flamer *and* as a Norwegian. But the norwegians have a good
         record when it comes to moose conduct. We'll be watching him
         closely.
      Rev. Dr. Freak
         For offering moose gifs/jpegs (we can be bought)
      Wilf (aka bulldog)
         Alt dot Bigfoot Resident Guard Dog. 

Nigh Honourable Members

      'Winder
         For fearlessly defending a.b while the honourable members
         were at the pub.
      Willy Whats-his-name:
         He has a foul mouth, but he *can* moose poem
      Tim Seeney
         For advancing the art of moose poemetry
      Alex Black
         For also advancing the art of moose poemetry
      V-x
         For hating our Evil Enemies
      Bungaloo Kitty (aka Oxidizing Dragon)
         For the 'moose lust' series of moose poemetry.
      Trouble Man
         For defence of alt dot bigfoot and for courage when faced with
         the evil she-bitch.
      Silas Salmonberry
         For serious bigfoot research.
      Henry Franzoni
         For serious bigfoot research.
      Brian (the Irish guy, real irish)
         For serious bigfoot research.

Evil Enemies
      Sharon H

Bigfoot Wannabees
      Barbara Abernathy
         She tried hard in alt.music.nirvana but the do-gooders iced
         her.  Maybe another time Babs.
      Brian Aitken
         He tries to be a bigfooter, but he really is too pathetic and
         weak to attain out lofty status.
#serious mode ON
      Jack Maxfield (aka Stainless Steel Moviegoer, King of alt.whine)
         Not a chance.  Weenies are not allowed.  Those who religiously
         guard their real name are not only *real-life* losers, they
         truly need help.  Alt dot bigfoot has promised to help pay for
         his visits to the little doctor who speaks softly.
         He's also the only one who every reads the FAQ and searches
         to see if he is mentioned.
#serious mode OFF
      John Dobbs (aka Floyd Johnson)
         A harmless bot.  He gets rid of newbies, which is good, and
         he is easy to kill file.  An all-round nice guy when you get
         to really know him.  Most of the inner circle members have
         talked to him via the "other accounts" and agree that although
         he tries hard, he doesn't quite get it.

Q3. The members sound fascinating! Can I know more?

Since you asked nicely, here are some member biographies (3/94)

Supreme Commander 
   Founding member of alt.bigfoot. I'm a 29 year-old engineer in
   Vancouver who abandoned reality after discovering net-world and
   alt.bigfoot. I love mooses - especially big, doopy, stinky ones that
   wander aimlessly, yet gracefully, through the forest. I've met bigfoot
   several times; each time he was wearing a different disguise - weiner
   dog, chicken, road kill, sexy woman in a bar. In summer, I'm always on
   my mountain bike. In winter, I shiver in the corner and rock back and
   forth. My primary objective in life is to purge net-land of net-freaks
   and retire at age 35.

CyberPorchMonkey (CPM)
   3'11 and 297 lb. Mechanical Lower Primate. Loves porch swings. Veteran
   of many bloody Net-Battles and received SC's highest medal of honor
   for his work against the viciously angst-ridden war mongers of ASH.
   Short in temper, Big in heart. Would cut off his tail for Bigfoot or
   the Moose. Eek! Eek! Eek!

UQA 
   rescued from certain doom by the Moose, is a paraplegic sworn to
   defending Alt dot Bigfoot from his chair, his bed, or wherever his
   enemy, The Nurse, may choose to put him.

Farleymeister
   Born with the mind of a thirty-year-old, he was constantly stifled and
   mortified until a vision of Bigfoot and the Moose brought him to his
   senses (and alt.bigfoot). Having retired from the profession of
   flamer-killing (as they are all living dead by now), he spends his
   quiet afternoons composing poetry and arranging flowers.

R.O.S.B.F. (Roast Beef) 
   Disillusioned with science and life, she fell into the ways of the
   Moose and Bigfootdamus as an escape from the evil Jackboss! Now she
   happily spends her time engineering viruses to weaken all foes of the
   Foot!

wilf (Bulldog)
   Wilf has a PhD in garbology from Steve's and Joe's College. His PhD
   dissertation concentrated on the safe disposal of toxic and obnoxious
   net trash. In his spare time he studies ways of preserving moose
   habitat.

St.Bob 
   28 year old statistical data consultant for the State of North
   Carolina. Patron Saint of the over-worked, under-paid, and
   rarely-appreciated working class. Having left Plato's allegorical cave
   of complete ignorance in search of truth, I found Bigfoot and the
   Moose waiting for me with a can of Kokanee at the end of my quest.

Q4. Does alt.bigfoot have a charter? Can I see it?

CURRENT PURPOSE OF ALT.BIGFOOT (Bigfoot Charter):

1.
   To discuss the activities of bigfoot today, in the past, and in the
   future. Topics include:

   a) Bigfootdamus and his predictions relating to bigfoot and
   alt.bigfoot.
   b) The manuscripts of bigfoot.
   c) Saving the network, and world, from armageddon.
   d) (this space intentionally left blank)
   e) Sightings of bigfoot.
   f) Use of bigfoot magic.

2.
   To hate ASH (alt.suicide.holiday) and everyone associated with that
   newsgroup.

3.
   To kick out of alt.bigfoot all non-members in a politically incorrect
   manner.

4.
   To rant and rave about anything that is on your mind.

5.
   To *collectively* influence other newsgroups and the world with our
   Bigfoot philosophies and Moose ways!

6.
   To *collectively* target enemy individuals and "put them in their
   place".

7.
   To support and fight for all official members.

8.
   To without mercy poke fun at Eurotrash and alt.flamers.

9.
   To start an anti-Douglas Adams campaign if he doesn't reply to our
   guest speaker invite! (How rude!)

10.
   To provide humor and purpose in life.

Q5. Can lowly me ever hope to become part of
this interesting group?

Well, we were all once like you. But, if you wish to become a member,
please email the Supreme Commander at trent@mprgate.mpr.ca. You must:

1.
   Agree to respect the Bigfoot Charter 
2.
   Provide your reasons for wanting to become a member of alt.bigfoot. 
3.
   Given the Supreme Commander's (i.e. trent's) approval, you must post
   at *least* two poems about moose, which will then be critiqued by the
   members of alt.bigfoot. 
4.
   Bye us all some beer. 
5.
   Read and analyze "If You Give A Moose A Muffin". A committe of
   official members will discuss the merits of your submission, and a
   response will be given once a decision has been reached or after the
   beer runs out which ever comes first. 

Q6. What exactly is a moose peom?

Moose-Poem (moos poh-em)
   n. literary composition in verse expressing deep moose feelings or
   noble moose thoughts in an imaginative way.

Must have IOC - Ingenuity, Originality, and Creativity! 

Q7. Does alt.bigfoot have a defense policy?

I'd also like to take this opportunity to bring to your attention the
*threat* we face from *enemy* newsgroups. There are numerous large
newsgroups out there who would just love to capture alt.bigfoot for its
raw talent and stategic location. We must work to ensure that these
enemies of alt.bigfoot never enter our territory!

That's why I propose to develop a NGN ("News Group Nuke") defense system!

And was it EVER developed! NGN was deployed and used successfully against
the flamers in the early days of January 1994. Fallout was noted but
scientist assure us there is absolutely no danger. The flamers may have
suffered some brain damage but it is so hard to tell. Don't mind the two
headed dogs running around. Okay, everyone. I think we should step back a
moment and take a deep breath and start yogic flying. Listen, the Natural
Law party has Scientific Proof that 7000 yogic flyers will imbue Canada
will a Meissner-effect like defence shield that will keep out evil
thoughts, making Canada impregnable!! So what are we waiting for??

NEW IMPROVED DEFENCE PLAN FOR ALT.BIGFOOT

1. Take the Lagrangian of Alt.Bigfoot, ie.

   L = T-V = re'kgj .wr,f `welkif[woeirf wqeof q[ewp

   (in top-secret code, of course).

2. Find Equations of Motion of Alt.Bigfoot by integrating L, ie.

   / | L d(Alt.Bigfoot) = s23-9r83~5~4~rufcpihjfcw;ofhc;wq /

   (again, in top-secret bigfoot code).

3. AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   THINK OF WHAT THIS MEANS!!!!!! 

First, it is an obvious consequence of 2. that all we need are 17 yogic
bigfoot flyers and alt.bigfoot will DISAPPEAR FROM THE MINDS OF ALL
SQUID-LIKE SELF-FELLATIATING CREATURES (ie. hOOTEN_II), and we will never
ever be bothered by them again.

Second, think of the improved invasion possibilities our new yogic
bigfoot flying will afford us!!!

Third..ohoh..I`m so excited i'm levitating, i cant reach m

Termination Song

Happy TERMINATION day to you!
Happy TERMINATION day to you!
Happy TERMINATION day Evil Enemies!
Happy TERMINATION day to you!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!!!!...

The Supreme Commander and Merlin of Bigfoot are pleased to announce, on
this November 1, 1993, the approval of alt.bigfoot funding towards the
*final* stage of our most secret defense project. This project,
classified at top-secret and carried out at our Whistler Mountain
Military Facilities, has wrapped up the research phase and is now going
into production.

All of you bigfootians our there will be please to hear that your tax
dollars have been used wisely by our scientific community to develop a...

TERMINATOR BIGFOOT!!!!!

That's right. Soon, we will no longer have to risk Merlin's life in the
assassination of Net-Freaks (TM). Instead, our command and control center
will simply be able to provide a terminator bigfoot with the name of the
victim, as well as his or her home town, and termination will be
guaranteed!

Stay tuned, all you Net-Freak enemies of the Foot, for soon we'll be
singing *your* Happy Termination song!

Grumpy Moose

As Supreme Commander of alt.bigfoot, I am please to announce the
completion of yet another top-secret defense development. It is Project
#460-439930C, coded named "Grumpy Moose".

We now have a number of life-sized mechanical moose that look, feel,
smell, walk, drool, etc just like a real moose. You can't tell them apart
from the real thing. But these moose have one special surprise associated
with them... They're each equipped with small, internal micronuclear
explosives - approximately 1/10 kiloton of explosive power.

Our grumpy moose are sooooooo lovable. They've got giant faces and huge
antlers (which form parabolic antennas for satellite up/down-links).
They're deep thoughtful eyes will make the most hardened enemy
soft-hearted. The grumpy moose will be able to penetrate any enemy
location and, upon contact with the programmed enemy, DETONATE.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Alt.bigfoot is getting stronger!!!!!
Beware, evil enemies!

Virus Defense Mechanisms

Nor can we forget the Bigfootviridae engineered to destroy enemies of
Bigfoot and the Moose! One was specially designed to attack Hooten II and
weaken him so that Merlin could finish him off! 

Auntie-NGN

Cancel-bot to cancel all our Evil Enemies posts (just to make him/her
mad). 

Happy Moose

Dirty slimey 'nice' tactics. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww !!

Q8. What is the position of alt.bigfoot towards mooses?

The members of alt.bigfoot are of two minds -- both pro and con.
Although, with the recent unexpected outpouring of moose poetry, the
pro-moose group appears to be gaining ground.

>Sure, I'm a moosaholic... So what?? It isn't a 
>self-destructive obsession. It doesn't hurt anyone. 
>So what is the problem? Mooses are goofy. Mooses 
>are stinky. Mooses are "doopy". Having mooses around
>the house promotes a calm, peaceful environment. And 
>mooses can be named the most bizarre names, and they'll 
>never complain. My favorite is Super-Doopy-Doo! It's 
>just *great*. I love mooses!!!!!! Now do you understand? 
>No? Well just f**k-it then! You'll never understand!

>I HATE MOOSES TO PIECES!!!! BAW HAW HAW!! Why don't 
>you get OUT of this group and start posting in alt.moose. 
>Personally the REAL people of the world prefer the 
>Shaven Yak.

Q9. Does alt.bigfoot have an anthem?

(sung to the tune of the Canadian national anthem)

Alt-Dot-Bigfoot...
Our newsgroup strong and free...
We'll kick the ass...
Of everyone we see...

The other groups, are all just freaks...
Just take a look at ASH...
The losers who, post to that group...
Are nothing more than trash...

God keep our group...
Offensive as can be...
Alt-Dot-Bigfoot...
We stand on guard for thee...

ALT-DOT-BIGFOOT, WE STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE!!!!!

Q10. What is the dominant political philosophical position espoused 
     by the members of alt.bigfoot?

Power is what makes the world go 'round! All the atoms, other than
hydrogen and helium, were created in exploding stars. Talk about power!
And power politics (or real politik) also make the world go round, just
ask Thucydides, Charlemange, Napolean, Richard the Lionhearted, Hitler,
Churchill, Morgenthau, or the Supreme Commander. Santa Cruz isn't
representative of how the rest of the world works my pot-addled friend.
You can't expect to get by your whole life wearing tie-dye shirts, not
washing your hair, and going to campus sponsored orgies!

NO! YOU'VE GOT TO FLAME PEOPLE! MERCILESSLY! HERE AT ALT.BIGFOOT, WE
PROBE THE INNER SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE! SO IF YOU CAN'T EVEN GET
SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK MELON, HOW CAN YOU HOPE TO
UNDERSTAND THE INTRICACIES OF BIGFOOT HIMSELF! 

Q11. How do others in the net feel about alt.bigfoot?

Naturally, when faced with the wit and brilliance shown in our group,
some become a bit testy out of pure jealousy.

>And this sums up alt.bigfoot quite nicely. Just a 
>pile of,well,big footy things, which noone gives any 
>attention exept for a bunch of twig-wielding loonies, 
>who treat it as a sacred place, for no reasons known, 
>not even to them, but still they do it, while chanting 
>obnoxious pseudo-poems concerning mooses and other 
>ridiculous forest inhabitants,

>SUBSCRIBERS TO THIS GROUP SEEM TO ME NOTHING MORE THAN A 
>GROUP OF INSIPID FOOLS WHO ARE ENTANGLED IN THIER OWN 
>SELF-PROCLAIMED WIT. IT IS EVIDENT THAT YOU ALL HAVE WAY 
>TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS, SO GET YOUR RESPECTIVE PAROLE 
>OFFICERS TO SCHEDULE SOME SORT OF GROUP THERAPY

But some become irresistably drawn to alt.bigfoot members

> Wilf, Wilf, Wilf, Wilf, Wilf!
--(Babs "Beulah-Mae" Abernathy)

>Dear Ms Roast Beef,
> I hereby formally apologize for my rude and
>ungentlemanly behaviour. Please except these and let
>me not suffer any longer the thought of offending
>an exquisite creature like Yourself!
--(Docotr L.R. Coppejans)

Not to mention the well-filled harems of SC, CPM, and Wild Bill!

And who can forget the last words from Mr. Alex!

> HI folks,
>I have a vree weekend,the first one this year. It's like
>a holiday to me. I think I get drunk all Saterday and commit
>suicide on Sunday.
>
>It was real shit knowing you all and I don't hope to meet you
>again in Hell. But where is Hell. HAHAHAH HELL IS HERE !!!
>Hmmm This is starting to get FUN FUN FUN. Maybe I just stay
>for another week to annoy you and get everybody to hate me.
>That would be nice !!!! Lets vomit in this group. Anybody
>that wants to vomit with me ??? First lets eat and then puke
>in this group. It's for no use anyway. People that commit
>suicide don't write !! THEY PUKE !! hahhahahahahh blood
>out there mouth of the bullit that reached there stommic
>yes it's a said said story.
>
> MR Alex.

Q12. The newsgroup anthem was so stirring, are
     there any other patriotic songs about alt.bigfoot?

Yes indeedy -- there are. The first is sung to the tune of cookie
monster's, C is For Cookie:

B is for Bigfoot
it's good enuf for me
B is for Bigfoot
obnoxious yesiree
B is for Bigfoot
let's keep it heathen free
ooooh Alt-Dot-Bigfoot
I'm for thee!

The second is sung to the tune of Kate Smith's favorite number...

God bless alt-dot-bigfoot
newsgroup that I love
oh fight with her
and rid her
of the lame
with a flame from above
rid her of ASH freaks
and net misfits
and rabid Hootens
white with FOAAAAM!
God bless alt-dot-bigfoot
my net-dot-home
God bless ALT-DOT-BIGFOOT
MY NET-DOT-HOOOOOME!

also, there's the moving

Hail Alt dot Bigfoot
Hats off to you
Ever you'll find us
loyal and true

Loving all mooses
always we'll be
to the group we love
Here's a toast to thee....

Sing to the Brady Bunch theme...

Here's a story, of a freak named Murdoc,
Who hated mooses, bigfoot and Canucks,
So he found a great refuge, in Alt dot Flame,
With other low-IQ f*cks.

Alt Dot Bigfoot, was a great Net-Empire,
With the most brilliant people found in all Net Land,
They loved Mooooooo-ses, and Bigfootdamus,
Their group was truly grand!

Till the one day when the Flamers met ol' Bigfoot,
And they both knew that it was much more than a hunch.
That Alt Dot Bigfoot, would crush the net-freaks
With Bigfoot's mighty punch!

Now the Flamers are all running scared and confused,
And with fear, in the background they will lurk.
Alt Dot Bigfoot is the sole Super-Power,
Of the whole damn Usenet network!

Alt Dot Bigfoot!
Alt Dot Bigfoot!
They're the best. They're the tops!!
Alt Dot Bigfoot!

And next we offer....

Alt dot Bigfoot,
Our newsgroup strong and free.
We'll kick the ass
Of all net-freaks we see!

There is one guy who'll burn in hell
He'll be screaming in the fire.
The name of that net-freak is known
To be Mark Vieselmeyer!

Mark's not too bright
It's obvious to me.
Let's nominate him
As our new net-monkey!

Our final number is from the Supreme Commander
(Sung to Bob Hope's theme song...)

Thanks... for the memories.
The great bigfoot bash.
The trashing of ASH.
The Bigfootdamus fun.
And newsgroups on the run.

So THANK YOU, my friends!

Q13. What is the official unit of exchange for alt.bigfoot? 

Our newsgroup has many fine atributes. We have a Supreme Commander, a
financial policy, a mascot, a defence policy, a newsgroup anthem,
history, poetry, literature, and of course, evil enemies. What we don't
have however is a unit of exchange. Thus, I propose the Thigh Master (tm)
as the official unit of exchange for the newsgroup alt.bigfoot, and I
propose this for many reasons.

First, the Thigh Master (tm) brought back Suzanne Somers' career from the
dead just as the Supreme Commander brought back alt.bigfoot from the
dead.

Second, say you're waiting in line to make a deposit at a bank. You could
take the Thigh Master (tm) and get a good workout while you're waiting.

And third, if Hooten tried to sneak up on you from behind, you could wack
him on the head with the Thigh Master (tm) and protect yourself. The
thing does have some heft after all.

Official exchange rate: 1 Thigh Master (tm) = $17.99 + tax (US)
$24.99 (Canada)

In Moose We Trust / E. Pluribus Bigfootdamus

Q14. What is the financial situation of alt.bigfoot? 

I, the Supreme Commander, am pleased to reveal, for the FAQ,
Alt.Bigfoot's Balance Sheet. It's been a pleasure managing our fine
newsgroup's assets!

Assets:
 
Cash                      ThighMaster$  3,000,000
Gold                                   88,200,000
Newsgroup holdings                     37,500,000
Rap music albums                                1
Wedding rings                          12,800,000
"Final Exit" books                      2,300,000
Beatles music                                   1
Cat food                                      100
Dead cat                                        1
Everything pillaged from a.flame (used syringes)1
Kokanee                                 2,700,000
Techno-war hardware                    48,800,000
Techno-war software                    49,600,000
Moose reservation                      11,300,000
Coka Cola                                 800,000
Diet Pepsi                                100,000
                                      -----------
                                      257,100,004

Liabilities:
 
Newsgroup Visa bill     Thigh-Master$           1
Total Bigfooter's Equity              257,100,003
                                      -----------
                                      257,100,004

Q15. What are the 10 commandments of alt.bigfoot? And were they 
     found on Mount Horab?

Ten Commandments of Alt dot Bigfoot

I don't care what moral rules of conduct you subscribe to in the real
world, but in alt dot bigfoot-land, these are the rules (unless of course

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