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   respect, that the deceased was remembered. Over the years, a mound of
   stones would accumulate, memorializing the deceased through the hands
   of his/her loved ones.
   
   The tombstone we have today serves as another form of cairn.
   Originally, names were not put on a tombstone; this is a more modern
   custom. Although Jews now follow this practice, many people still
   continue the earlier custom of leaving stones.

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Subject: Question 11.6.3: Death and Burial: Is "stone setting" at the
         cemetery within a year after death is a Jewish tradition?

                                  Answer:
   
   In the Torah, we read that Jacob set up a marker for Rachel (Genesis
   35:20). This led to the practice whereby Jewish graves are marked with
   the name of the deceased. Rabban Gamaliel's instructions for burial
   emphasized equality and simplicity (which is a hallmark of the Jewish
   burial customs); thus, large ornate stone markers are discouraged. His
   son, Rabbi Simeon ben Gamaliel is quoted in Beraishit Rabbah (82:11)
   as saying, "We need not erect monuments for the righteous; their
   accomplishments are their memorials." In fact, stone markers were not
   normative until the Middle Ages; Rabbi Solomon Adret (13th century,
   Spain) prescribed the use of a matzeivah (burial marker). Nowadays, tt
   has become traditional to mark a grave with a stone monument or metal
   plate on the ground. This is generally done some time during the first
   year, prior to the Yahrzeit (first year anniversary of the death), but
   traditions differ widely.
   
   The dedication of the marker is a rather late tradition of American
   Jewry (19th century). Now, it is widely done and carried over to other
   countries, including Israel. The tradition is that the dedication is
   done at the end of the Avelut (mourning) period or 11 months following
   the death. It is an act of spiritual closure ending the time of
   recitation of the Kaddish prayer for a loved one. It is traditional
   not to return to the cemetery for 30 days (Sh'loshim). Therefore, one
   would not even order a marker until after that period, assuming the
   mourner would want to compare stones and inscriptions, etc.
   
   Israelis occasionally dedicate the headstone (Matzevah) at the end of
   the Shiva (7 day) period. The reason I have been told that Israelis do
   a quick unveiling is that family might have traveled far (e.g. from
   outside Israel) for the funeral and it would be too expensive to
   return 11 months later. A problem for such a quick unveiling is that
   the stone cutters cannot prepare the stone in time for such a quick
   ceremony.
   
   In many communities outside of the United States, the unveiling is
   often done after 30 days. Some Sephardim do return to the cemetery and
   have a ceremony marking the end of shiva. Their burial customs vary
   with those of Ashkenazim.
   
   The unveiling ceremony itself is a simple graveside religious service
   marking the formal setting of a loved one's headstone at the cemetery.
   It is a brief ceremony, with a few psalms, an actual unveiling of the
   stone, and the Kaddish. The presence of a rabbi or cantor is not
   required.

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Subject: Question 11.6.4: Death and Burial: What are the Jewish mourning
         customs after the death of an immediate relative?

                                  Answer:
   
   Judaism has three mourning periods for immediate relatives. The first
   is Shiv'ah, the seven days starting at the time of interment. Since
   the Hebrew calendar day begins at sundown, the evening of the funeral
   is actually the second day. The basic rules for shiv'ah (lit: 7, the
   first week after burial) are as follows:
    1. One wars the garment torn at the funeral.
    2. One does not wear leather shoes, but other leather clothing is
       allowed. Typically, one wears slippers.
    3. One does not eat meat.
    4. One does not bathe their entire body (except as needed for basic
       sanitation, and as preparation for Shabbat), nor wear cosmetics.
    5. There is no sexual intimacy.
    6. One sits on or near the ground. Typically, one sits on low wooden
       stools.
    7. One does not cut their hair for 30 days (including shaving, for
       men)
       
   Additionally, mirrors are covered, and Religious Services take place
   morning and evening where the mourners can recite the Kaddish, a
   doxology acknowledging the greatness of G-d.The last day one arises in
   the morning, walks around the block, and Shiv'ah is over. Thus, the
   period is actually five days, surrounded by a few hours on each end.
   During Shiv'ah, we remain at home and refrain from just about all
   activities.
   
   Why does Shiv'ah have these rules? If you note, all relate to signs of
   physicality. Shoes are to the body as the body is to the soul; both
   "cover" the lower extremity of the other. Hair care is symbolic of
   fashion and concern with appearance. Meat, furniture and sex are
   physical pleasures. Confronting death is a time at which one can
   reaffirm in themselves the idea that man is more than a clever mammal.
   To spend time thinking about our physical selves would waste that
   opportunity. The whole procedure, having you interrupt your life for a
   definite period of time, is quite cathartic. By having the duration
   fixed, one doesn't feel that they short-changed their love-one's
   memory.
   
   When Shiv'ah is over, we enter a period called Sh'loshim, which means
   thirty. This period actually includes Shiv'ah, so in effect, it is
   only twenty three days long. During this time, we get back into the
   outside world. This would include going to work, pursuing volunteer or
   political activities, or return to school. In other words, we get on
   with the activity of life. However, we do not go to parties or other
   "light hearted" events. The Kaddish prayer is recited at three daily
   services for 11 months.
   
   On the thirtieth day after interment, official mourning is over,
   except for the year long mourning period for a parent, during the
   first eleven months of which, one is obligated to say Kaddish daily.
   All of the above is according to Halachah (rabbinic law).
   
   On the anniversary of the death, every year, those who losed loved
   ones recite the Kaddish prayer. Four additional times during the year,
   memorial prayers are recited at the synagogue. The earliest reason for
   Kaddish was to elevate the soul of our loved ones to a high level in
   the Olum Haba, (heaven or literally, The World to Come) Additionally,
   there are many psychological reasons for remembering parents and
   relatives.
   
   Note that Shiv'ah, and the practices during it, are a Rabbinic
   enactment from the late 2nd Temple period.
   
   Many Reform Jews observe Shiv'ah for only three days. Many do not
   observe Sh'loshim at all. Many do come to synagogue every Friday night
   for a year to say Kaddish.
   
   So who should say Kaddish? The traditional laws governing mourning is
   that a son (child) is obligated to sit shiva and officially perform
   the Jewish mourning rituals. It doesn't apply, in traditional Judaism,
   to grandchildren; in such cases, the obligation would fall on the
   grandchild's father and any uncles. Traditional Judaism, in fact,
   prohibits reciting Kaddish if your parents are alive. Sometimes
   (again, in traditional practice), people hire someone to recite
   kaddish for them if they are unable to attend the synagogue, or are
   unable to participate in a minyon (for example, a daughter).
   Progressive movements, such as Reform, permit anyone to say Kaddish
   for someone they wish to remember.
   
   The first reference to remembering the dead on Yom Kippur is found in
   Orkhot Khayim by Rabbi Aaron HaKohen of France of the 14th century. It
   is also mentioned earlier that there was a practice at the time of the
   Maccabees of "taking a collection amounting to 2000 silver drachmas
   from each man and sending it to Jerusalem... to pray for the dead...
   to make atonement for the dead so that they might be set free from
   their sin." (II Maccabees 12:43-45). Formal Yizkor remembrances were
   instituted in the 19th century by the earlier reformers. The custom
   began to be incorporated by other branches of Judaism shortly there
   after. At Yizkor, we recite a prayer that we remember our loved ones.
   That we pledge Tzedakah (righteousness and not necessarily charity) to
   their memory. We ask that G-d keep our loved ones under the wings of
   his Divine Heavenly Presence.

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Subject: Question 11.6.5: Death and Burial: What are Jewish funeral customs?

                                  Answer:
   
   The following is a summary of Jewish funeral customs:
     * Funerals should take place as soon as possible, often done on the
       day of death or the following day.
     * Autopsies are not routinely done unless required by law.
     * Cremation is not allowed. This is because traditional Jews are
       prohibited to desecrate a body by artificial means. According to
       Rabbi Maurice Lamm "Even if the deceased willed cremation, his
       wishes must be ignored to observe the will of our 'Father in
       Heaven."
     * Burial is a plain wooden casket with no metal, that includes no
       metal handles or even nails. They are put together with wooden
       pegs. Actually, Jewish tradition is to bury the person without a
       coffin; if a coffin is mandatory by local law, tradition dictates
       choosing a simple one. As Rabbi JB Soloveitchik put it, the
       deceased can't appreciate the fine furniture. Better you spend
       that money getting your synagogue a new pew!
     * The body is clothed in a white linen shroud and not street
       clothes. Shrouds are sewn without knots, and are a multiple piece
       garment. In earlier times, the sisterhoods or women's auxiliaries
       used to make shrouds for their community; this practice may still
       occur in traditional communities. Today, virtually all (Jewish)
       mortuaries carry shrouds, the prices vary.
       This is done because of a rabbinic decree of around 1800 years
       ago. People were spending more than they could afford on funeral
       expenses because no one wanted to show the deceased, typically a
       parent, less honor than others showed their loved ones. So, Rabban
       Gamliel, the "prince" of the Jewish community of the time (and
       therefore his estate would be quite wealthy), demanded that he be
       buried in simple white linen, and that this become the custom for
       everyone. He patterned this clothing after that worn by the High
       Priest in the Temple on Yom Kippur. If G-d asks the High Priest to
       enter the Holy of Holies and confront the Divine Presence in
       simple white linen garments, it seems fitting to do the same when
       preparing someone to meet their Maker. To this very day, we bury
       people in a hat, shirt (kittel), pants, belt -- all of plain white
       linen, if a man, his tallis, and simplified (and ritualized)
       shoes. No pockets, since you can't take it with you. And the belt
       isn't knotted, for Kabbalistic reasons.
     * Objects are not put into the casket as we come into this world
       with nothing and so we leave with nothing. All of us are equal in
       the world to come. Men are attired in a Tallis (prayer shawl).
       
     Note: This include pet remains (yes, we've gotten the question of
     people wanting to bury their pet remains with them). If you must
     have your pet that close to you, consider putting the ashes besides
     your casket (if this is acceptable to all parties).
     * A Shomer, guard, remains with the body from time of death through
       to the burial.
     * After the ritual funeral, the casket is put into the ground and
       the mourners and those attending the funeral fill the grave.
     * A holy society (the Chevra Kaddisha) takes charge of a body at
       death. They clean and bathe the body, perform a ritual of pouring
       water over the corpse (called Tahorah), dress the body in the
       shroud (Tachrich) and put the body into the casket.
     * Once the funeral is over, all attending ritually wash their hands
       as they leave the cemetery.
     * Condolences are made at the home of the mourners.
     * At the funeral, an article of clothing is torn by the direct
       morners. This is called kriah. It is usually a lapel of a dress or
       shirt, a tie or sometimes a black ribbon that is placed over the
       heart.
     * Flowers are normally not sent, for the following reasons:
          + Simplicity. The tradition in Judaism is to keep funerals as
            simple as possible, to make everyone equal in death.
          + Tradition. Although flowers are not prohibited, the custom
            arose over time of not sending flowers, and making
            contributions instead. In ancient days, the Talmud informs
            us, fragrant flowers and spices were used at the funeral to
            offset the odor of the decaying body. Today, this is no
            longer essential and thus, many Jews do not use them at
            Jewish funerals at all. Most feel it is much better to honor
            the deceased by making a contribution to a synagogue or
            hospital, or to a medical research association for the
            disease which afflicted the deceased. This method of tribute
            is more lasting and meaningful.
       
   There is a reason for the plain wooden casket and linen shroud. First,
   it demonstrates that everyone is equal in death--the rich and the
   poor. Secondly, it frees the bereived family from any sense of duty to
   spend more than they can afford.
   
   A note with respect to cremation: For non-traditional Jews, the answer
   with respect to cremation is more difficult. While frowned upon by
   Jewish law, liberal Jews have wide opinions concerning cremation. On
   the negative side, cremation flaunts the death of our co-religionists
   in the Holocaust. They were burned (cremated) to ashes against their
   desired will. It is difficult to understand why a post-Holocaust Jew
   would wish his/her body to be so destroyed after death, as if giving
   the Nazis another small victory in obliterating the remnant of our
   people. On the other hand, the great Rabban Gamliel (Moed Kattan 27a)
   wrote the ruling that Jews subscribe to today. There should be respect
   of the dead and not undo financial burden placed upon his/her family.
   While he was a prominent and wealthy man, the leader of the Jewish
   community two millennia ago, he chose to be buried in a plain casket
   (substitute cheap) and dressed in simple linen/shroud (substituted
   cheap garment as opposed to burying in an expensive suite.) His
   rational is solid in as much as funeral costs today are very high.
   Cremation is a way to substantially reduce the financial burden on the
   family. This is in keeping with Rabban Gamliel's position. But even if
   there is cremation, the cremains should be buried. First, it conforms
   to the Jewish view of returning the ashes/dust to the primordial earth
   and second, it gives the family a site to direct their mourning. Many
   Jews find great comfort coming to the graves of parents and relatives
   at special times of the year to pay homage and respect. Scattering of
   ashes or leaving grandma in the hall closet does not have the same
   sanctifying power.

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Subject: Question 11.6.6: Death and Burial: Is getting cryogenically frozen
         against Judaism?

                                  Answer:
   
   Such an action involves many difficulties in the law: Does a person
   the right to consent to such a procedure with regard to himself? What
   is the status of his wife and children? Are they mourning as if the
   person were dead? When shall he be revived? Who will decide? etc.
   These are often theoretical questions, as no revivals as of yet have
   been successful.
   
   Typically, this question arises for situations where a person is
   gravelly ill; the approach involves freezing the body for years and
   then reviving it when some cure will have been found for the sick
   person's disease. Such a proposal, theoretically amounts to the
   delaying of the death of a dying person. This is clearly prohibited by
   Jewish law. While one may not do anything at all to hasten the death
   of a dying person, one may also not do anything at all to prevent his
   dying. Such a person has the right to die. Ecclesiastes says: 'There
   is a time to live and a time to die.' In other words, if there were a
   trustworthy remedy already available for the disease, and this remedy
   involved freezing, it would all be permitted. But if there is only
   speculation that some day a remedy might be discovered, and on the
   basis of that speculation the process of dying is prevented, that is
   contrary to the spirit of Jewish law.

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Subject: Question 11.6.7: Death and Burial: Are Jews buried facing West?

                                  Answer:
   
   The custom is that the body is buried with its feet facing east, so
   that when the Messiah comes and we awake from our slumber, called
   death, we will already be on the right path toward Jerusalem. So, if
   someone were buried in South Africa, their feet would face North. As a
   matter of fact , many Lubavitch Hasidim communities bury their loved
   ones with walking sticks for their eventual pilgrimage to Jerusalem.
   However, many Jews are buried with their heads towards Jerusalem (i.e.
   East) to be closer to that holy city.

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Subject: Question 11.6.8: Death and Burial: Can Jews be cremated?

                                  Answer:
   
   It is contrary to Jewish tradition for a Jew to be cremated.
   Traditional Jewish authorities hold that the body must interred, in
   tact, in the earth and this ruling is almost 2000 years old.
   
   In the post-holocaust generation, an additional argument against
   cremation relates to the Holocaust experience. When millions of our
   co-religionists were cremated as expedience and as a form of
   disrespect of Jewish sensitivities by the Nazis, for a Jew to wish
   such a body disposal is painful to the memory of the holocaust
   victims.
   
   However, especially among progressive Jews, cremation is becoming an
   alternative burial choice because of financial considerations. Rabban
   Gamliel II argued for simple burial (wooden caskets, plain shrouds,
   closed caskets) in order to give great equality for all Jews. Wealthy
   Jews used to have extravagant funerals while poor Jews might abandon
   their dead for public burial. Rabban Gamliel's ruling was to lessen
   the financial burden on families. A similar argument is used for
   cremation, for it makes all equal.
   
   If one chooses cremation, one should bury the cremains as opposed to
   keeping them in the closet or scattering them to the winds/seas. There
   is psychological value to having a site to focus one's mourning. This
   may ease the pain of the mourners.

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Subject: Question 11.6.9: Death and Burial: What is the Jewish position on
         Suicide?

                                  Answer:
   
   The Jewish position on suicide is well summarized in the background of
   the Reform Responsa on whether a suicide can be buried in a Jewish
   ceremony:
   
     Surprisingly enough, there is no clear law against suicide in the
     Bible or the Talmud. Perhaps suicide was so rare that there was no
     need for such a law. The Bible mentions only two suicides in the
     entire long span of history which it covers: King Saul on Mount
     Gilboa (I Samuel 31:4) and David's counselor, Ahitophel (II Samuel
     17:23). Nor does the Talmud find it necessary to speak of the sin
     of suicide. Some of the earlier scholars base the objection to this
     crime upon the verse used by God to Noah when he and his family
     left the Ark: "Surely your blood of your lives will I require"
     (Genesis 9:5). But neither Maimonides nor Aaron Halevi in the
     Chinuch count this as one of the negative commandments.
     
     The first clear-cut statement about the crime of suicide is in the
     post- Talmudic booklet Semachot, at the beginning of chapter 2.
     There it is stated that those who commit suicide are to receive no
     burial rites. The phraseology used there is important, since from
     this source it has found its way into all important later
     discussions. "He who destroys himself consciously (lada-at), we do
     not engage ourselves with his funeral in any way. We do not tear
     the garments, and we do not bare the shoulder in mourning, and we
     do not say eulogies for him; but we do stand in the mourner's row
     and recite the blessing of the mourners because the latter is for
     the honor of the living." Then follows a definition of the crime of
     suicide as follows: If a man is found hanged or fallen from a tree
     or a wall he is not to be deemed a suicide unless he says, "I am
     going to do so," and they see him climb up, etc. Then it is stated
     that a child who commits suicide is not to be counted as a suicide,
     clearly because he is not to be judged as acting with a clear mind
     (lada-at), which must be presupposed before the crime is to be
     considered a crime. Then follows the law that those convicted and
     executed by the Jewish courts should not be mourned for in any way
     lest the mourning imply that the Sanhedrin had made an unjust
     judgment.
     
     From this statement in Semachot the law spread to all the codes and
     frequently appears in the Responsa literature. In this original
     source it is evident that only a person who commits suicide with
     clear mind and with an announced intention beforehand, is to be
     treated as a suicide. A mere presumption of suicide is not
     sufficient.
     
     This desire to be cautious with the accusation of suicide had many
     motives, of course. One was that the law itself spoke of
     circumstances under which one should willingly accept death, when
     threatened with the compulsion to violate any of the three sins of
     idolatry, immorality, and murder (B. Sanhedrin 74a). This type of
     suicide, often carried out in wholesale fashion in the Middle Ages
     as well as in earlier times, was honored as noble martyrdom.
     Therefore, it was clear that not all surrender of life could be
     deemed blameworthy by the law. At times it was even noble. Thus,
     the Talmud speaks in praise of the mass suicide by the drowning of
     young boys and girls being taken captive for a shameful life in
     Rome (B. Gittin 57b). Besides martyrdom, the law also considered
     personal stresses. Thus, the tradition never seems to have blamed
     King Saul for his suicide. In fact, his case became a frequently
     cited case in the following way: King Saul was afraid that the
     Philistines would subject him to torture, and he saw himself as
     dying anyhow, and therefore, while the sin is still a sin, it was a
     forgivable one.
     
     With Saul as a pardonable prototype for most suicides under stress,
     the Rabbis, in many a specific case that came before them, sought
     and found reasons why a person who took his own life should not be
     stigmatized legally as a suicide. They generally said that whoever
     is under stress as Saul was ('anus keSha-ul"), is not to be
     considered a suicide legally, even if he takes his own life. A
     number of cases will indicate their considerate mood in this
     regard.
     
     Jacob Weil, a German rabbi of the 13th-14th century, in his
     Responsa (no. 114) speaks of the case of a Jewish criminal who was
     executed by the German courts. Should not such a criminal be deemed
     equivalent to a suicide (since he willfully risked his life) and
     therefore not have a regular burial and be mourned for? He gives a
     number of reasons why this man should be mourned for with full
     mourning ritual. First, he was tortured, and pain is considered a
     purification of sin. Then, we assume, he made confession of his
     sins, and that, too, brought him atonement. So Mordecai Benet,
     Rabbi of Nicholsburg, early 19th century (Parashat Mordechai, Yoreh
     De-a 25), discusses a criminal who was found in his cell, having
     committed suicide. He says that such an act is to be called suicide
     only if it is done with full and clear awareness (lada-at). This
     man certainly was in terror of being executed, or of being
     imprisoned for life in the dungeons of the city of Bruenn, which is
     worse than death; therefore he is to be considered as having acted
     under unbearable stress, as King Saul was. In general, he said that
     a man is not wholly responsible for what he does in his grief.
     
     Solomon Kluger of Brody (middle of the 19th century, Ha-elef Lecha
     Shelomo, Yoreh De-a 301) speaks of a man heavily in debt who
     attempted suicide, failed, and some days afterwards died. First,
     there was a question of whether he really died because of the wound
     he inflicted on himself; secondly, he was under great stress; and
     Kluger concludes that whoever is under stress, as Saul was, is not
     to be considered a suicide. Also based upon the original source in
     the baraita Semachot, chapter 2, all children who for some reason
     or other commit suicide are not to be treated as legal suicides
     because they certainly cannot be assumed to act lada-at, with full
     knowledge.
     
     A summary of the thoughtful, sympathetic attitude of the law to
     such unfortunates is summed up in the latest code, Aruch
     Hashulchan, Yoreh De- a 345 (Yechiel Epstein). He says, in general
     summary: "We seek all sorts of reasons possible to explain away the
     man's action, either his fear, or his pain, or temporary insanity,
     in order not to declare the man a suicide." Whatever the secular
     coroner or medical examiner would declare, the concern of Judaism,
     which deals with a man's religious rights, depends upon what Jewish
     traditional law says and feels. It would amount to this: Only a man
     who commits suicide calmly and with clear resolve is to be
     considered a suicide. In fact, some of the scholars say that he has
     first to announce his intention and then to fulfill it at once. If
     he announces such intention and is found dead much later, or if he
     is found dead under suspicious circumstances but did not declare
     such an intention, he is not to be treated as a suicide.
     
     Since the definition for legal suicide was so strict, there were
     many cases of presumed suicides which were not definitely so
     stigmatized. Therefore, the scholars could allow themselves to
     permit full funeral rights for many whom-- out of kindness--they
     declared as not being legal suicides. They were frequently
     uncertain as to how much ritual should be permitted. The original
     source in Semachot says that there must be no mourning at all--no
     tearing of garments, no eulogies, no mourning rituals after the
     burial. In fact, it begins by saying, "We do not deal with them at
     all" ("Ein mitasekin bahem"), which would imply that we do nothing
     even about burial. But, inasmuch as they were loath to declare
     anybody a suicide, they proceeded, as it were, to nibble away at
     the wholesale prohibitions just described.
     
     The strictest of all codifiers is Maimonides (Hilchot Evel), who
     says that there should be no mourning rites, etc., but only the
     blessing for the mourners. The Ramban, in Toledot Ha-adam, says
     that there should be tearing of the garments. The next step is
     taken by Solomon ben Adret, the great legal authority of Barcelona
     (13th century) in his Responsum no. 763. He says that certainly we
     are in duty bound to provide shrouds and burial. A later authority,
     Moses Sofer, in his Responsa, Yoreh De-a 326, says that we
     certainly do say Kaddish, and he would permit any respectable
     family to go through all the mourning ritual, lest the family have
     to bear innocently eternal disgrace if they do not exercise
     mourning conspicuously.
     
     The one part of the mourning ritual about which there is almost no
     permission is the custom of giving a eulogy of the dead. Thus,
     Jacob Castro, in his notes to the Shulchan Aruch, while saying in
     general that public mourning is forbidden but private mourning is
     permitted, adds emphatically that we do not give a eulogy and
     certainly do not have a professional eulogist. Why they were
     increasingly lenient about mourning rituals but were firm against
     eulogy is easily understood. Although the man who committed suicide
     may be pardoned, he should not be praised as an example. In the
     words of Rabbi Akiva, in the original source in Semachot: We should
     neither praise nor defame him. In other words, he should be quietly
     forgiven. Nevertheless, there are one or two opinions which would
     permit even a eulogy. One is Ezekiel Katzenellenbogen, Rabbi of
     Altona, early 18th century (Keneset Yechezkel, no. 37), who says
     that whenever there is any sort of reason, we eulogize him. And the
     other is the statement in the Talmud specifically about Saul, the
     prototype, that the children of Israel were punished because they
     failed to eulogize Saul adequately (B. Yevamot 78b). But, in
     general, the mood was as summarized by the Pitchei Teshuva, Abraham
     Zevi Eisenstadt, who said: "We mourn but we do not eulogize."
     
     The long and complicated succession of discussions in the law on
     the matter of suicide amounts, then, to this: An increasing
     reluctance to stigmatize a man as a suicide, and therefore, an
     increasing willingness to grant more and more rights of burial and
     mourning. The only hesitation is with regard to eulogy. It would
     therefore seem to be in accord with the mood of tradition if we
     conducted full services and omitted the eulogy, provided this
     omission does not cause too much grief to the family. If the family
     is deeply desirous of some address to be given in the funeral
     service, then the address should be as little as possible in the
     form of a eulogy of the departed and more in the form of consoling
     of the survivors. For the general principle is frequently repeated
     in discussing this law: "That which is for the honor of the living
     shall be done."

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Subject: Question 11.6.10: Death and Burial: Can pregnant women attend a
         funeral?

                                  Answer:
   
   It is Jewish tradition that a pregnant woman not attend a funeral. The
   exception would be one of the seven relatives who one is obligated to
   mourn (father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, spouse). A
   pregnant woman would traditionally remain outside the fence/gates of
   the cemetery.

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Subject: Question 11.6.11: Death and Burial: If a Jewish person lives in an

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